


Not How it Should Have Been

by secret_stories



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-02 23:08:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 19,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2829359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secret_stories/pseuds/secret_stories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl and Beth got out of the prison together but with Judith in tow. This picks up after they hear the dog barking and after the fateful ‘oh’. She never get's taken.</p>
<p>It is a very slow burn but then get's a bit weird, really weird actually, through no fault of Daryl or Beth. I have 13 chapters written but am still editing them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Everything was the same up to the funeral home but with the baby. Just imagine them sharing carrying her and probably being a little less reckless. I struggled with this because I want them to have the same relationship development but with the shared responsibility of Judith. They probably wouldn't have done a lot of the reckless things they did but I'm just going to pretend they did, in a less extreme way. 
> 
> Anyway, for the sake of the story, their relationship is at the same point at the funeral home as it is in the story.

She was asleep, finally. It seemed the more exhausted Beth was the harder it was to make Judith sleep. She had drifted off with her voice, lulling into the darkness of the parlour as she made her way round and round the chairs that faced nothing. Every time she made the loop to the front and wove her way between the open coffin and the row of seats, she couldn’t help glancing at them, imagining them full of grieving mourners, watching her. Then she would continue, singing lightly on until the tiny girl drifted off in her arms. 

Now as she sat in the kitchen resting her tired ankle, eyes full of candlelight and nose full of the sweet jelly that still lay open on the table, she returned his gaze. What could she say? What could she possibly say? As he left to lure the dog, her eyes fell to the table. So long, they had been alone so long. The thought of losing him was agony; he had saved her time and again, saved Judith so often she knew they would never have survived without him. She thought of his kind heart, covered in thorns, so difficult to reach. Had she done it? Had her quiet words finally penetrated something inside? She thought of his eyes, comforting and blue, watching her. She thought of his arms, so strong and untiring. She thought of his hands, rough and warm and unfailing. She thought of his words, his utterance of caring and she knew what to say.

A crash and a shout disrupted her thoughts as Daryl ran back into the kitchen, slamming the door behind him before grabbing up his bow, a look of panic on his face. “Grab Asskicker, get your shit, we’ve gotta go.” Jumping up, she lifted the now fussing baby from the makeshift bed they had made from a draw and eased her into the sling she had fashioned from a sheet before grabbing her rucksack and hefting it on her back. By this point Daryl was wrenching boards from the window before looking out into the night. The familiar sound of deep guttural groans forced their way into the room, filling the air with panic and fear where only a moment before it had been so quiet, filled with tension of a different kind. 

Gesturing to her, Daryl helped Beth up and through the open window to quietly drop onto the grass below, carefully holding the baby in her sling tighter to her chest with one firm hand. Terror pooled in her stomach as she saw the shadowy group of walkers massed at the front of the house, disturbing the quiet darkness with their shuffling forms. As Daryl landed beside her, his feet soft on the grass, he placed a warm hand on her shoulder, moving them away into the night. Away from the flickering candlelight, away from warmth, away from security, away from the possibilities her tiny escaped ‘oh’ had left hanging in that shadowy kitchen.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one. Daryl and Beth have to leave the relative safety of the wilderness to get supplies for Judith, always a risky business.

The night saw them running; it always came down to them running. Boots crunching over the rocks and twigs of the forest floor, they had pushed into the darkness, trees rushing in a blur past wide eyes. Eventually, they came to a mutual halt, chests heaving with exertion and fear, eyes meeting in a shared agreement to stop. Judith was crying by this point and it took everything in Beth to get her to calm, they were so unprotected out here. The familiar feeling of wariness settled over her as she shushed and cooed the little girl into submission before settling a bottle filled with one of the last cartons of formula into her tiny mouth. When the baby finally drifted off, she allowed herself to sleep, allowed the pain in her ankle to throb slowly as she succumbed to exhaustion.

When morning came, it was so difficult to wake. There was such little time to rest before the unforgiving sun was squeezing its way into her eyes, wrenching the lids open and reminding her of the horror of their predicament. Her angle throbbed quietly, the pain another thing she couldn't worry about just now. She didn't make any comment of it as she looked over at her companion. Daryl was sat silently, Judith at his chest, bow at his side, watching the trees. At the sound of Beth’s movement he turned to glance at the person with whom he now shared this life, whatever that meant. “You didn’t wake me to take watch” she yawned at him, now aware that however tired she was with her little sleep, he was even more so. He only grunted in response before standing and gently handing the sleeping baby over. “Gonna go find some breakfast” he mumbled out before stalking away through the trees, carefully stepping over the meagre sound barriers they had hastily erected just a few hours earlier. 

Stroking Judith’s soft head Beth checked over their supplies, just a few disposable diapers left from the pack they had found and only a couple of cartons of formula at the bottom of the bag along with the now empty bottles. They needed to go back into a town. They had no choice. Where She and Daryl could survive in the wild, living off mud snakes and boiled river water, the tiny girl, so achingly dependant on them, could not. After less than an hour, the hunter returned, a couple of squirrels in tow. Still digesting their quick breakfast, they packed the rest of the cooked meat and broke camp before walking away, softly stepping through the trees.

“We have to go into a town” Beth finally breathed out at her companion, looking over at his nodding face. “I know” he replied simply. It seemed he had made that judgement a while back as not long after, their dogged journey led them to a road. Glancing down at her, Daryl motioned along the hollow empty stretch. “There should be a small town a couple a miles that way if I remember right. Should be able to get stuff for her there.” Beth nodded at him and smiled. Placing her small hand in his she laced their fingers and felt the grime of their shared journey between them, covering the scars and callouses they both now carried. He said nothing, but only moved forward, not letting go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so bad sending them into the danger that civilisation always harbours but who knows, maybe it'll work out well!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So they're in a town now hunting for supplies! Happy Christmas everybody!

It was small, dusty and abandoned. She hated seeing civilisation now. Every house, every shop, every car felt like a tomb, an awful reminder of all the lives lost, all the songs ended. They made their way slowly around the gradually rusting cars littered in the road, keeping an eye out for supplies, weaving through the scattered remains of stories interrupted. Sniffing, Beth glanced down at her golden child, smiling up at her, she lent down for a kiss on her grubby fore head before following Daryl onwards. They all needed a bath soon. She came to a stop beside him where he looked through the glass of a small local supermarket, one hand reaching to graze his warm arm. He looked down at her before motioning inside, “c’mon, should definitely find baby stuff in there.” Slowly opening the door, a dusty bell announced their entrance, saving him the job of calling for walkers. After a moments silence, they entered the gloomy room. The murky windows trickled weak light over the shadowy shelves and Beth moved forward, trying to discern what was left to scavenge. It was rare to find anything of use. Seeing many bare shelves, she looked up to notice Daryl walking towards the back of the shop. Joining him, they both looked up at the writing over faded double doors. “Dead inside” she read out, letting her fingers run over the key still protruding in the lock. 

They had had to make this decision too often, whether to face the risk for what they needed or take the risk of muddling on without, hoping to find it elsewhere. “The door’s still closed, probably no ones been in since it was locked. Must still be full of supplies, everything we need.” She spoke the words quietly, not really to anyone. Nodding, Daryl lifted a fist and knocked on the faded door, listening for the noises he knew would come. A shuffling step and muffled groan seeped through the wood, plucking at their senses before a bump and bang at the door were joined by others. “How many do you think?” She asked the archer, watching the door rattle against the weight forcing itself against it. “Dunno, but the door will hold, if it’s held this long. A few at least.” He looked down at her, looked down at the baby at her chest before nodding to himself. “I’m gonna do this. Get us what she needs.” Beth looked at his set jaw, the determination on his face she had seen so many times before. “Let me help, we could hold the door, do it one by one?” She ventured, knowing how much easier it would be, rather than risking them becoming overwhelmed. Expecting him to raise an argument, she was shocked when he lifted a hand and ran it over his face before grunting in agreement. Maybe he really was starting to see her as an equal. “I don’t see another way. Gonna have to find somewhere safe to set Asskicker down.” She nodded in response, glancing around the store, seeing higher shelves to one side. Grabbing up a box from the ground she eased the now sleeping girl inside, placing a kiss on her soft head. Moving away, Beth dragged some steps over to the higher shelves. Hugging the box to her, she climbed up to the top step before sliding the box way back at the top; safe from the reach of grasping walkers should any slip through their net. Moving the steps away again, Beth turned to see Daryl nodding at her again. She glanced up at the box once more, hearing the gentle snores from inside a stab of fear went through her stomach but what could they do? 

Together, they set about clearing the store room and found it much easier than expected. Daryl held the door against his shoulder, stabbing at whatever came through while Beth’s knife found anything he missed. In just a few minutes, the doorway was full of a pile of eight very rotten walkers. “They must have been here since the beginning. They’re nothing but skin and bone. I wonder who locked them in here. Reckon they were shopping?” She looked down at the pile sadly before following Daryl into the shadowy room beyond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't be able to update tomorrow because it's CHRISTMAS! So excited, have a lovely day anybody that's reading :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth and Daryl let their guard down for just a moment. The teeniest hint of fluff!

The store room was much larger and full of boxes, even darker than the front of the shop. They moved in quietly, watching for trapped or hidden walkers, sweeping a narrow torch beam over the stacked cages. When they knew it was clear Beth allowed herself to breathe. There was so much here, the large room had a big empty space in the middle with stock piled all around the edges. Daryl looked down at her with an almost imperceptible smile, his bow finally lowered. Seeing the relief in his face made Beth feel giddy. Her veins pumping with adrenalin she slowly reached her had up to graze along his cheek, returning his smile. They just stood like this, slightly turned into each other before Daryl’s hand came up to rest over hers, warm tanned skin covering cool pale fingers. Their gaze didn’t falter but the smiles slowly faded as their shared silence filled with words unsaid.

It was only a moment, just the smallest moment of indulgence, of letting their guard down. That was all it took, all it ever took in this awful world they lived in. A car door slammed much too close as a smash echoed through the shop. How had he not heard an approach? When would he learn? Their hands immediately dropped as the panic returned. Sneaking to the door of the store room, weapons ready, Daryl eased his head around the doorway, pulling it back just in time as grubby hands pushed open the door at the front of the shop with a loud jingle of the bell. “Will you be careful?” A gruff voice hissed in the quiet space. “Don’t need em flocking here do we?” “Oh shut the fuck up, we’re fine. They woulda come to the car if there were any.” A wheezy reply came. 

Beth looked at Daryl in panic, seeing thoughts flashing across his eyes. It was at that moment that more voices joined the two rummaging through the shelves. Heavy boots accompanied low grumbles, muffled laughter and swearing as a group of rough men filled the store, pushing shelves over when they found such little on them. “I’m so fucking bored boys” a voice louder than the others drawled over them all “we gotta find some booze here someone. Come on, fan out and find me something good to drink hey?” There were general grunts of ascent as they moved through the store. 

Too many, there were just too many. Beth glanced behind her through the darkness. There was a back exit. If she hadn’t been so stupid, so caught up in their small victory, all three of them would be slipping out right now. As anger and disgust at her own stupidity consumed her she heard the sound she dreaded the most. At all the bangs and crashes, Judith had awoken with a cry. Her pitiful sobs silenced the rabble and Beth could almost hear the confusion in the men’s minds. Looking up at Daryl she saw him furrow his brow, hissing out a quick “stay”, before slamming through the door, bow raised. 

Too late, it was too late, and as Daryl stood taking in the scene before him he knew it. In that seconds deliberation, sweaty hands had plucked the box from the shelf, removing the baby within and she now lay, squirming and crying, red faced in the man’s arms as a strange smile filled his face. 

Daryl stared at the men in front him, eyes narrowed, his bow steady in unfaltering arms. It was a moment before they responded to his presence. The louder voice they had heard made itself known as a large man, thick with muscle, a dark smear of stubble on his lower face and head and a leering smile moved between two of the closer men. “Well, what have we got here?” He grinned at the bowman in front of him, seemingly unconcerned of the bolt aimed at his eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, they can really never catch a break.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this was originally two chapters but I've had a bit too much wine and just thought i'd chuck them in together! I hope it still works. 
> 
> I did think about making the men being Joe's claimer group but in the end I made them entirely new characters.

Behind the door, Beth was frozen. She knew from the change in Judith’s cries that she was no longer in her hiding place. She knew what that meant. She knew if the enemy had their hands on her sweet girl then they were lost. The dust of the back room swirled in the light of the doorway and she knew there was no point in hiding, no point in waiting for the inevitable pain that would quickly come. Before she could move, she heard Daryl’s voice, flat and hard, addressing the men. “I don’t want any trouble, I just want the baby. I’ve cleared the back room, it’s full of stock, plenty of booze. Just give me the girl and I’ll walk out of here. It’s all yours.” Beth’s breathing hitched, picturing the scene. Surely that was a good deal, why would they bother with him, bother with a baby when they could just let them go and have everything Daryl promised them? Even as she told herself these shallow words, slipping quickly through her panicked mind, the darker reality crept around them as she tried to deny it. Men like them never let people go. And as she heard the silence in the shop, she imagined their smiles and remembered the man’s words “I’m so fucking bored.”

As the men realised their position of power, sniggers passed around and Daryl quickly made a note of how many there were. At least 8 here, maybe more outside. Too many, there were too many. The leader spoke again, his deep voice growing louder over Judith’s cries. “We don’t wanna hurt you, we don’t wanna hurt this little bundle of joy. Thing is, we could have all the stuff out back anyway, you’re really in position to be offering it to us. Now, lay that nice bow down, and that knife, that gun, and your bag on the ground. Kick it over here.” When Daryl didn’t move, only raised his bow a little higher, the man glanced over at Judith and nodded at her captor who smiled. From down at his side, he brought a serrated knife up to rest on the babies wriggling tummy, holding her with one hand. Daryl froze, not seeing a way out of this. His muscles taught, his veins throbbing, his mind racing, desperately trying to force a solution. There was nothing. All he could see was Asskickers tiny arms struggling against the man’s thick chest.

Slowly, thoughts rushing uselessly around, he lowered his bow, placing it gently on the floor in front of him before easing his knife and gun from their sheaths and putting them down to join it. As he slid his pack from his shoulders, he thought of Beth out in the store room, knowing she was just a few feet from him, he could practically hear her thoughts, her fear. Just go, he wanted to tell her, just run. He knew she would never leave them, would never leave that baby girl she called her own. As he dropped the worn fabric on the floor he fixed the leader with a harsh stare, slowly standing tall, hands fisted by his sides. He kicked his meagre pile of belongings towards the men, never breaking eye contact. 

Hearing the sound of metal on the hard floor, Beth knew Daryl was weaponless and despite his strong arms, his unfaltering hands and his rugged determination, all the things that made him so strong, against so many, he was defenceless. Looking again to the back door, she quietly un holstered her gun and slipped towards it, leaving faint footprints in the dusty floor. It was mercifully unlocked and silent as eased her way through a small gap, the yellow sun dazzling her for a moment as she took in her surroundings. The alley behind the shop was empty of life, old bins decaying next to her, the smell of rot and waste seeping through her nostrils. One side of the alley way blocked with a fence, the other open to the road so she quietly made her way down, gun at the ready.

When she reached the street it was to see the same scene that had greeted her when they had arrived such a short time ago. It felt like days. There were no men. Sticking to the wall, she approached the front of the shop; looking round the corner she saw the trucks that had brought such destruction to their door. Quiet and empty, they sat waiting. Breathing in deeply she crept towards the front door, heart heavy with all that was at risk. As she stood at the edge, peering slightly through the murky door to assess the situation, quickly judging how many she could take out before they shot her down, how much time she could buy Daryl to get his weapon, to get Judy, she felt a gun press to her temple. The metal was warm, as if had been lying in the sun, and Beth caught herself imaging it resting carelessly on a dashboard as the light shone through the windshield, heating the metal. “Drop it,” another male voice barked out. She paused only for a moment before letting it fall from her fingers, clattering on the pavement where a booted foot kicked it away from her. Her heartbeat pounded in her ears as a rough arm wound its away around her, never taking the gun from her temple, grasping at the knife at her hip before pulling it away. “Now walk. Go on, inside” the voice rasped in her ear, so close she could feel it moving the wispy hairs escaping her ponytail. Shuddering a little she put one forward in front of the other, jangling the door bell as she made her way inside, the sun warmed gun never leaving her head. 

As Daryl caught sight of her, his heart sank and his stomach lurched at the same time as he felt a tiny tingling of pride. She had tried to flank them. It was a good plan. Not good enough. There were just too many of them. “Look what I found!” The guy holding Beth exclaimed to the group, pride filling his face. The leader turned from Beth back to Daryl, still smiling, always smiling. “She yours as well? My my, you two have been busy haven’t you!” He gestured towards Judith, whose cries had reduced to quiet whimpers in the man’s arms. When he was greeted by only silence he motioned for one of his men to grab Daryl’s gear. The sight of someone else holding his bow made Beth’s teeth grind. Everything was spiralling. Judith was so close, the urge to hold her was overwhelming, more painful than anything she’d ever felt. “Please” she sobbed “just give me the baby, please” the words slipped from her mouth in a strangled blur and she knew she was only showing them more weakness but she couldn’t stop. She needed that little girl to be ok. In that moment, she knew she’d do anything to make that happen.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating yesterday, I was flying home and didn't get a chance!

“I have a great idea!” The leader put his gun back in his holster and clapped his hands together. “Bring her over here”, he motioned to Beth, and she was shoved in his direction, still staring at Judith. Daryl watched as her captor released her to the man in charge, watched in horror and disgust as he took her arm and brushed his hand up to cup her cheek. “Aren’t you a pretty thing? You really are, take the compliment, I don’t hand them out every day.” Beth eyed him steadily, her gaze hard, determined. “Hey!” Daryl burst out “don’t touch her you son of a bitch” he spat at him, his face seething. The leaders hand dropped from her as he turned to Daryl. “A little over protective are we? Don’t worry, I won’t touch her again, I’m here for a show, not for the action.” Confusion clouded Daryl’s eyes as he glanced at Beth, back at the mercy of the man who caught her, gun trained at her head. 

Turning back to his group, the leader smiled broadly, “now boys, we’re gonna have ourselves a little show ok?” Grunts and laughs echoed around the room as all the men but those guarding Beth, Daryl and Judith moved to shove the stacks to the front of the shop, pushing them against the window and door, they formed a barricade and opened the space up. They now stood in the large empty area, only the odd can and the footprints in the dust filling the space as the men arranged themselves around the edge. Judith’s captor followed suit and made his way to the side before Daryl and Beth were shoved into the centre of the circle. 

Bumping together, Beth grabbed his arm, finding it slick with sweat, she looked up at to see those familiar blue eyes trained on the man in front of him, narrowed with palpable rage. What was this? What was the show? She glanced around the room again, finding Judith still unharmed she looked back at the leader who was considering them both. The gaze from the men in the circle felt heavy, like a tangible weight pressing against her. There were so many of them. 

“Take of her clothes.” He said it quietly, slowly, considered. Beth’s gaze widened, hear heart raced impossibly fast as nausea and panic filled her stomach. Daryl didn’t move, not a millimetre. He only continued to stare at the man who’d spoken. After another moment and a quick nod at Judith’s captor, her cry rang out as the man twisted her tiny arm cruelly before letting go. Beth cried out in response, turning quickly to see the baby screaming once again. Her tiny arm continued to move as she wailed, he hadn’t broken it. 

“Now. We will hurt that baby. We will rip her apart limb from limb if you don’t DO WHAT I SAY!” He screamed the last part suddenly, stamping at the floor with a crazed look in his face that flashed across his eyes like a firework before vanishing, his calm resolve returned. 

“I won’t tell you again.” “Ok!” Beth quickly responded, her heart fluttering, her eyes welling up. She shouted those two syllables before repeating them again softly. Her fingers fumbled as she began to unbutton her yellow blouse, acquired so long ago.


	7. Chapter 7

“NO!” The man shouted, that crazed fire flashing again briefly through his dark eyes. “That’s not what I said. YOU. Take. Off. Her. Clothes.” He spoke, slowly, clearly, staring straight at Daryl, the smile back on his lips. When Daryl didn’t move Beth touched his arm again, drawing his attention. 

“Daryl” she whispered to him quietly “Daryl, it’s ok. Just do it.” He looked down at her then and she could see the agony in his eyes. The pain there alone made the tears threaten to spill from her and she held back a sob as Daryl looked back to the man in charge once more to see a slow nod there. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and turned back to the trembling girl beside him. His sweet Beth, his calm sweet Beth, his light. He couldn’t think but he could do nothing but think as his hands slowly came up to her chest and fumbled violently at the buttons there. He couldn’t do it. She saw the way his fingers shook and, with a last glance at Judith, her resolve strengthened. Everything she was she could put away, she could do anything to save that girl. With a deep breath she put her tears away for now and brought her hands up to cover his, holding them steady, helping him to undo the grimy fastenings.

She looked him in the eye and he saw the grit there, the clenched jaw the firm eyes. He wished he looked the same. All he felt was agonising regret and pain all with a throbbing undercurrent of anger. He had failed both the girls and now they were paying the price. His hands stilled as the last button opened before he slowly lifted them, eyes never leaving hers. He hooked his thumbs under the neck of her blouse, slipping it down her arms and letting it fall to a pool at her feet. Her hands instinctively came up to her chest, covering her grimy bra but then she dropped them, realising the futility of it. His eyes flicked up and he looked at the men watching her, violating her beautiful skin with their disgusting eyes. 

“Keep going” that cunning voice brought him out of his reverie as he squeezed his eyes shut and moved his hands to her belt, slowly undoing the worn leather under her steadying hands. He brought his eyes back to hers, blue on blue and saw her small nod before moving to the button on her jeans, slowly undoing the zip there. He froze for a moment. Hands dropping to his sizes in fists as his eyes slammed shut before speaking quietly “I won’t do it” Beth looked up at him, she could see him shaking with anger and pain and glanced at the leader who didn’t hear him. He spoke again, shouting this time “I won’t fucking do it!” Beth saw the leaders eyes flash as he nodded slowly “that’s just fine. We’ll just slit this baby girls throat” at this this he lifted a hand to Judith’s captor “and be done with it!” Judith screamed again as the knife pressed down slowly at her neck. Beth’s eyes darted to the child as she ran instinctively towards her frantically screaming, no no no no no over and over again. Her mad dash was brought to an abrupt halt by an arm rushing out from the side, grabbing her, pulling her to him, burying his nose in her hair and breathing in. Struggling, she only had eyes for Judith. The knife had paused, with no sign of blood, as the men all laughed and jeered. She realised Daryl was being held back by three of the men, a gun to his head. She locked eyes with him, pleading silently. Just do it. 

The leader cleared his throat “do we want to get on with this or not? All you’ve gotta do is take her clothes off. Is that so hard?” Beth retched as a slimy hand grasped at her chest making her stomach churn. “If you don’t take them off, we will.” Daryl growled, his chest heaving as he looked from Judith to Beth. He nodded stiffly and the knife was withdrawn from the baby’s throat. Beth was pushed roughly back towards him as they removed their arms from around Daryl, the gun lowering as he too was shoved back into the circle. 

Beth moved towards him taking his hands from his sides before placing them at her waist. He moved then, very slowly, sliding the denim over her narrow hips down to her knees, down to where they met her shoes. His shoulders slumped in resignation as he knelt down, pulling off one, and then the other worn boot. She lifted her feet one at a time, making it easy for him, balancing herself with a hand on his shoulder as he pulled her jeans all the way off, followed by filthy socks. His eyes lingered at the bandage on her ankle. He had forgotten. She must have been hurting last night as they ran and never complained. All this joined the pile at her pale feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, this is really spiralling out of control now!


	8. Chapter 8

Daryl rose in front of her, eyes never looking at the pale dirty body before him, taking in the men in the circle, taking in poor Judith, still now in her captor’s arms. That’s when the shouts started. Escalating quickly from one man yelling “hurry the fuck up” to all of them jeering various disgusting things, with the general idea that he was not going fast enough. Beth looked up at him and he could see the fear there, buried under her determination and it killed him. What could he do? 

Glancing round at the leader he saw him gesture around the room and then towards the couple in the centre. Hurry up. Daryl moved around her, carefully grasping the worn bra and unhooking the clasp, letting the once white fabric fall down to her sides. She lifted her hands then, reflexively holding the cups to herself as he moved the straps down her arms, touching her as little as possible. How could he touch her? What could he do? Hating himself, he saw the bra fall and he joined it on the ground, pulling her underwear down to her feet. Staring at her toes, he felt her weight on his shoulder again as she lifted her feet for him. That was it. That was everything. He stood again, still staring at her toes. So small, they’re so small, so delicate but so filthy. 

He heard a slow clap from the man in charge and a surge of rage quickly built inside Daryl’s chest as he flinched at the next words out of his mouth. “Now you honey, let’s see what your archers got. Take everything of him.” Daryl’s eyes snapped to his, “why?” he growled out at him. “If we’re gonna have a show we need both of ya, come on, chop chop!” The leader replied, crossing his arms and looked at them both expectantly. 

Daryl glanced down at Beth, she was shivering, one arm across her chest, the other down between her legs. She stared at Judith intently for a moment before turning her eyes to Daryl’s body, breathing out and moving her hands to his vest, slipping the leather quickly off, not making eye contact. She moved much faster than him, unbuttoning his shirt, letting it fall to the floor and ignoring the way his body stiffened unnaturally. She ignored his thumping heart beat and erratic breathing as it dropped to his feet and pulled off his boots and socks. She ignored his fisted hands squeezing so hard his white knuckles gleamed as she unbuckled his belt and pulled his faded trousers to the floor. Her fingers were cool and steady when he felt them quickly moving against his skin and he winced at every touch, as if they were burning him. When she was finished, she stood back up and stepped away from him, arms returning to their defensive position on her small body. She had never felt so exposed, so uneasy and violated. It was worse now that Daryl was naked in front of her, his strong hands moving to cover himself. She could feel the nervous angry energy radiating off him and that made it worse, it made it worse that they were going through this together. 

“That wasn’t so hard was it?” The leader drawled as his eyes raking over their bodies. “Come on, it’s not the first time you’ve done this! Now you’re just letting your pals in on the fun” He chuckled at his joke, his men jeering along with him. At the tense silence between his actors, he laughed, loud and harsh. “It is isn’t it?!” He clapped again, rubbing his hands together in glee. “You’ve never done it have you? Well I’ll be damned, how the hell did she come about then?” He gestured at the infant. Daryl had his gaze fixed somewhere on the ceiling and didn’t respond. Beth was staring at Judith again and spoke quietly “she’s not ours, not really” her voice was sad and calm as she looked at the baby girl who was hers, was hers with everything she had. 

The man took in the scene before him and whistled slowly. “Does that mean, sweetie, that you’re a virgin?” When Beth didn’t respond he continued, “you are aren’t you?! A fucking honest to god virgin! Well, this does change things, maybe I will have to be part of the show.” He spoke the last words quietly, dangerously, his eyes slipping down Beth’s pale body. Daryl’s head snapped up as he moved her behind him, standing between her and the man. “No” he growled menacingly and the man raised his hands mockingly “fine fine, she’s yours, we get it. You’re not related are you?” Daryl growled a further no at him, his eyes seething as he no longer bothered to shield himself from the prying eyes, only Beth. “Too bad, that would have been a much more interesting show.” The man sighed before clapping his hands again. “Well then, lets get on with this then shall we? The boys are getting a little impatient and to be honest, I’m getting a little bored and that’s never a good thing.”

Beth’s mind couldn’t hold onto a single thought for more than a fleeting second. Who the hell was this guy? What kind of a sick person was he? What was going to happen? Would they get out of this? Would she ever hold her baby girl in her arms again? She realised the man had been speaking and she hadn’t taken in a thing he’d said, struggling to hear over the pounding in her ears. She took in Daryl’s stiff shoulders, hearing the man repeating himself, “I said, you’re gonna have to sort him out a little honey, he needs to be way more excited than this for our show. Not going to be much of a performer like that is he?” 

Her breathing picked up as she looked up at what she could see of Daryl’s face. His jaw was so tight; it looked like his teeth could just turn to dust from the pressure. Taking another look behind her at Judith, she spoke more loudly this time, addressing their director, her voice wavering only slightly, “what do you want me to do?” He looked very pleased at her willingness to comply “all you’ve got to do is make him hard sweetie, I wouldn’t take it as an insult that he’s not already, he’s under a lot of pressure here, you really are just beautiful. Go on now, round here so I can see, all you’ve got to do is put your mouth around it and move around a little. Be creative, that’s what I love about new performers, you never know what’s going to happen!” He spoke the last words to the audience, before gesturing Beth to continue. 

Slowly, she eased Daryl’s arm down from where it was bent back around her and moved around his tense body. She knelt on the ground slowly in front of him and looked up at his face. He was looking forcefully at the ceiling, a vein pulsing in his neck. Taking a deep breath she moved forward, using her hand to touch his flaccid length. He jumped at the contact but his eyes never left the spot he was staring at so she continued and moved him into her mouth, glancing at Judith before closing her eyes and doing what the man had said. She had given blow jobs before, just a handful of times, she knew what you were supposed to do, she knew what felt nice. She had never given a blow job to a flaccid cock before, she moved slowly, letting her tongue move gently against him, her eyes squeezed shut as she felt him harden inside her mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what to say, these guys are completely just playing with them, I saw the leader as so manipulative and arrogant that he wouldn't want to sully himself with normal rape or murder. He's torturing them for no reason other than he can, and to alleviate his boredom. With Judith in her captors arms, they really have no choice but to do what the dangerous man says. Urgh, I told you it was gonna get weird.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if there's errors in this chapter, I didn't want to read it through again once i'd written it! It kind of just poured out so I apologise if it's a little unreadable.

Daryl felt sick. He hated himself. He had never felt more repulsed with his own body than when he felt himself stiffen at her actions. Her mouth was so warm, so soft and he forced himself to think of their plight and not the way her hand was now joining her mouth, gripping the base of his length and moving slowly up and down. He didn’t take his eyes off the ceiling. He would kill these men, he resolved, imagining all the different ways he would make them suffer he tried to block out the feeling of her sweet mouth as she moved. 

When he was completely stiff, Beth moved back, glancing again at the baby and then at the leader. He smiled warmly at her. “Well done honey, good job. Well he is a big boy isn’t he? Let’s see what he’s got. Lie down, sweetie, go on.” The endearments made her skin crawl as she looked up at Daryl and moved her self down onto the dusty floor, lying back until all she could see was the dark ceiling. Keeping her legs firmly together she focused on a vent she saw there and waited. It was not difficult to guess what would come next. Her arms moved over her chest once more as she heard the man address Daryl. “Don’t you let that thing go buddy, it’s gotta be nice and hard to get through her. Man what are the chances, a fucking VIRGIN!” He shouted the last word at the room, which was poised in anticipation. 

Daryl’s vigil of the ceiling faltered as he glanced around the room again, taking in the men gaping and Beth lying on the filthy floor. Many had their hands down their pants. Daryl shuddered and focused on the man speaking. “Come on now”, he pushed him, “she’s gonna be real dry I reckon so you might wanna lube her up a little you know?” He mimed spitting on his palm and rubbed it at the air with a cupped hand. Daryl dropped his head and turned slowly, looking at the girl, the woman he had just come to know, the woman he cared so much for, the woman he would never hurt. 

After one glance at Judith he let his knees drop gently to the floor in front of her. She looked up at her protector, her eyes barely concealing the fear now as she slowly opened her legs in front of him, eyes flicking back to their spot of the vent. “Go on now, get her nice and wet,” that awful voice goaded. Trying not to look at her body Daryl moved forward on his knees a little before grudgingly bringing a hand up to his mouth to spit on his raised palm. He felt so sick. Feeling his erection failing rapidly he moved his hand down between her legs, looking up at her face once more before gently touching her, rubbing his hand slowly down to let the wet smooth over her entrance. Her eyes squeezed shut at the contact. Before his resolve broke, he pumped himself a couple of times, then leaned over her, carefully resting one hand at the side of her head. He reached down between them and gently, as gently as he possibly could, pushed himself again her. She winced at the feeling. She was not ready for him, not in the slightest bit but she knew they had no choice. Feeling him struggling, she reached one hand between them and helped him to force his way in, opening her legs further to make it easier. 

It hurt, it hurt so much. She knew it would but this was awful. It felt like she was tearing. Such a sharp pain that only increased as he moved further in and her hand moved back up to her chest. Daryl stopped then, seeing her face, seeing the pain there. What could he do? 

He eased himself slowly forward, feeling the slight resistance and pushing through it as a sob escaped her lips. He leaned down, closer to her and let his body shield hers as he waited to move, waiting for the pain to ease a little. He heard her whisper faintly in his ear then as tears quietly slipped down her cheeks. “It’s ok Daryl, you can move.” He could feel his erection going, was it even there any more? He moved now, slowly, trying not to hurt her, trying not to cause any reason for punishment against Judith. As he moved, he felt his body naturally respond to the motion. He couldn’t help it. She was so tight, so tight it was almost painful and he knew he was hurting her even as his body was enjoying it, despite everything in his head. He suppressed a gag as he moved over her, he couldn’t believe he could do this, couldn’t believe his body would betray him like this as he continued to move. 

After a minute or so, the show master was bored again. With jeering from the crowd spurring him on he shouted for a change of position. “Now she’s broken in, reckon she can ride you for a bit. I wanna see them little titties bounce.” He chuckled as the men around the room agreed loudly. Daryl froze at this and, closing his eyes he whispered so quietly to her ear that no one else could hear “I’m so sorry Beth.” She sobbed again at this as she moved her hands to his shoulders, meeting his eyes as he pulled back a little. With a faint nod from her, he moved one hand down to her waist and held her to him as he sat up on his knees, keeping her against him. Lying slowly back, her knees sank onto the floor on either side of him, sweeping the dust like wings and as the pain got even worse, she thought vaguely of the snow angels she and Maggie had made one year in the pure white snow. 

When she didn’t move, the men around the room started shouting at her, urging her to go on. Pressing her palms against his shoulders she eased herself slowly up, the pain a constant now, sharp and unforgiving, shooting its way from between her legs up her body. She let herself drop back down before continuing the motion again and again, speeding up as much as she could when the show master commanded it. Daryl’s eyes had taken over her vigil of the ceiling vent as his hands clutched hopelessly on the cold floor. She felt so good around him, her small body quickly bumping up and down, encasing him like a glove. Every time these thoughts flit through his mind the sick feeling returned. He was disgusting, as bad as the men watching this debacle. He refused to let himself look at her, not once. He heard the men jeering and whooping around him and the man in charge urging her on “come on girl, finish him.”

She picked up the pace, just wanting this to end. How would it ever end? Continuing to move, she leant down over him, placing her hands at the side of his head she leant down and whispered to him “please Daryl, just let go, lets just finish this.” His eyes flicked to hers then and he took in the pain he saw on her pretty face, he took in the line of her jaw and the resolve in her eyes and he nodded. Bringing his hands up from his sides he gripped onto her hips, helping her move much faster, keeping a quick rhythm. His eyes didn’t leave her face, didn’t look down and as he felt his body tighten, he knew it was coming, he closed his eyes then and pumped her faster over himself until he bowled over the edge, feeling himself come deep inside her as his body shook in turmoil and pleasure. 

He kept his eyes shut as Beth stilled above him. His hands dropped from her waist immediately as the dull sound of clapping and laughter filled his ears. Opening his eyes, he saw the men moving together, joking and laughing at the success of their game. He saw their director move past their spent bodies behind his head and at the sound of Asskicker crying he felt Beth tense above him. He saw the baby shoved into her arms, snuffling at her shoulder. Beth’s eyes closed and she was sobbing, burrowing her face in the child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, that happened! Major gross voyeurism I'm sorry


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so short, the next chapters a long one I promise!

After a few moments, they heard crashes in the back room, car doors slam and engines drive away with the echoes of laughter still ringing around the dusty shop. Still she sat astride him, sobbing into Judith. Blood was rushing in his ears, he couldn’t process what had just happened. Slowly, Daryl sat up and, placing his hands gently at her waist, eased her off him and onto the cold floor. He winced at the blood and cum smeared over his dick and down her pale inner thigh. He stood, shaking, and retrieved her clothes, draping the blouse around her shoulders before dressing himself. He couldn’t look at her and spoke instead to the wall, listening to her quiet sobs. 

“S’not how it should’ve been” he grunted. Looking down at his hands, he realised how meaningless that sounded. What could he do? He turned slowly to see she hadn’t moved. As he approached her, she didn’t flinch, so he gently eased the now much calmer baby from her arms so she could dress and placed a kiss on his little Asskickers fore head. He stroked her cheek and as he let relief wash over him he heard the sobbing stop and Beth speak. “It was worth it” she blurted out. Daryl looked over at her, hating himself more than he could imagine, more than he ever had because he was the one that made her hurt. His body that had forced it’s way into her. Him that had made her bleed, made her cry and he realised then that this may have been the cruellest thing they could have done. 

She sniffed, wiping her nose along the back of her hand and pulled her shirt around her, buttoning it hastily. Not meaning to watch her, Daryl saw her wince in pain as she stretched for her under wear in the pile Daryl had placed next to her. Reaching into his back pocket, Daryl held out a grubby bandanna, the cleanest he had, gesturing to her thigh when she looked questioningly up at him. She took it with a shaking hand and wiped away the blood and semen, not really letting herself acknowledge what it meant, before standing and pulling on her jeans, her socks, her boots. Reaching once again for Judith, her hands grazed his arms and he flinched a little at the contact, looking up from the baby to Beth. They held each other’s gaze for a long moment, her hands still reaching out for the child. 

Slowly, he handed her over, not knowing what he saw in those eyes locked with his, she must hate him now, he must disgust her. He swallowed at the thought and moved over to where his weapons and pack still lay. Putting everything back in its rightful place he realised how useless it all was. How useless he was when he couldn’t protect them, not even from himself. He sniffed and moved to the backroom. He found it in chaos, they were obviously only looking for booze, the boxes of canned goods and baby supplies were still intact. Climbing over haphazardly discarded packaging he found everything they needed and stuffed his bag and a further plastic bag with supplies. When he came back into the shop he saw Beth had moved to the steps she had used earlier and was sat down, rocking Asskicker and humming a quiet tune. She looked up at his approach and smiled a sad smile. “Did you get everything?” She asked simply, her voice strangely flat. Daryl lifted his bags in reply and she nodded, looking down at Judith. “Let’s get going then” she said as she made her way over to her own things, replacing Judith in her sling and walking to the door and out onto the slightly darkening street, limping only slightly. What could he do? He followed her out into the evening, out to find somewhere for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they haven't really reacted to what happened, both are still completely in shock but those emotions will definitely be surfacing soon.


	11. Chapter 11

They couldn’t stay in the town. He couldn’t stay in the town. Nothing needed to be said, the men could easily return but even if they didn’t, he knew they had to get out. The instinct to run was like a burning in his chest, a constant itching and ache that built with every step he took behind her. That blonde ponytail swung through the evening light and he desperately fought the urge to turn and sprint away from her, to leave behind the guilt and pain of what had just happened. What could he do? He followed her through the town and back towards the trees. She didn’t turn to look at him once.

Her steps were measured, her breathing calm, her hands steady around the sleeping baby as she moved across the road. It was getting late; they would have to stop soon. Another night in the darkness of the forest brought no feelings, she felt like she should probably be craving warmth and safety but she struggled to drudge up any emotion. The sound of a car door had her head whipping round, taking in the scene of Daryl half inside the cab of a dusty van. She hadn’t even noticed he wasn’t behind her. She made no move to approach him, only clutched Judith to her chest a little tighter and watched his movements. 

After Daryl had found the keys in the ignition, he checked under the bonnet and ensured there was fuel before attempting to start the vehicle. It juddered to life on the first turn, the rumbling engine cutting through the quiet twilight that had felt like it was suffocating him just a moment before. From through the grubby windscreen, he could see Beth standing towards the tree line. Her vision was focused on him but it seemed distant, like she hadn’t even noticed the van starting. He waited a moment, there in that dark cab, holding her gaze. The one hand that gripped the steering wheel tense against the leather, his jaw tight. There was a moment, just a fleeting moment when he considered slamming the door and driving away. Leaving her there on the road with the baby, leaving her there in the gathering dark, leaving her with all the pain he felt. His tired eyes flickered shut and the hand on the wheel slackened, sliding down before joining the other in rubbing over his face. 

Beth blinked a few times after Daryl broke the eye contact. She considered turning away from him, turning and walking into the waiting forest where she could hide, turning from him and forgetting everything that had happened. Her foot almost moved, almost made the step to twist her aching body around but then Judith shifted in her sleep. That tiny movement broke Beth out of her reverie and she looked down at the peaceful child, the child she would do anything for, had done everything for. Looking up, she saw Daryl now stood beside the van, one hand on the open door. Catching her eye, he flicked his head to the side. Come on.

They drove through the night, did the darkness always last this long? Had the quiet hours always stretched on achingly until you were sure morning would never come? Beth slept fitfully, feeling more exhausted than she ever had in her life but unable to achieve the oblivion that real sleep brought. Every time her eyes opened she was shocked at the black sky outside, when would it end?

Daryl came to a stop when morning was fully upon them. The fuel light had flashed on the dash a while back but Beth seemed to have finally drifted off properly so he had continued until the tank ran completely dry, not wanting to wake her by stopping. There had been no cars to siphon from anyway. He had brought them a long way from the town, not really thinking about the end game, only distance, they seemed to have ended up on higher ground, somewhere on a mountain trail. As those last few clunks signalled the end of the vans life, Daryl pulled off to the side and applied the hand brake. He leaned his head back onto the seat and breathed out a sigh, closing his eyes, yearning sleep. 

The change in motion brought Beth awake with a start, causing Judith to stir with quiet cries. How long had it been since she’d fed her? Shushing her gently, Beth looked up to see Daryl fixing up a bottle. She accepted it without making eye contact and continued shushing the feeding baby.

They made camp there, using the van as a base. Beth found a mouldy mattress when she opened the doors, along with a sleeping bag. She had slept on worse. When Daryl left her there to catch some food, she shut the doors tight and sat in the dark, Judith sleeping in her lap. It was only then, only when she took a deep breath and allowed herself to really accept that Judith was safe that thoughts of yesterday flooded her mind. What had happened? She hadn’t been raped had she? Daryl hadn’t wanted to do that to her, so did it count as rape? She felt violated, humiliated, confused, angry, angry most of all but not with him. She was angry with herself for being so stupid, for letting her guard down but she was blindingly, awfully, achingly angry with those men. Those monsters. Why? That question was just ringing through her exhausted mind over and over again. Her heart was hammering at the memory, their eyes on her skin, raking her pale body with hunger and foul thoughts. Why hadn’t they touched her? 

Forcing her breathing to calm, she realised how much worse it could have been. She hadn’t been beaten and she hadn’t been physically violated by any of them, only Daryl, and it didn’t feel like he’d violated her, not the way she thought it would feel. The pain in his eyes had mirrored hers, if not physically then emotionally. What could she say to him now? Her friend, her protector turned equal, the man she cared for in ways she hadn't even begun to admit. She thought of his hands on her waist, the hardness of his chest under her hands, the feeling of him inside her, pulsing as he came. A quiet sob escaped her lips as she forced herself from thinking of how different it would have been had they come together willingly. There was now point lingering on those what ifs now. 

The light burst into her dark tomb after what seemed an age, blindingly bright for a moment, the dark shape of a man in the doorway as the van was opened. Fear ripped through her chest before recognition hit. It was Daryl. The relief she felt when she saw him standing there meant more than any torturing thoughts ever could. She was pleased to see him; she felt nothing but happiness knowing that he was safe, that he was there in front of her. There was no fear, no resentment, no anger. Beth knew then, she could get though this, they could get through this.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Beth try and process what happened to them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this has taken so long, I really struggled to write this chapter, it felt really forced so I do apologise if it's not up to scratch! I think I put them in a situation I couldn't really process! Oh well, here it is anyway, I'll try to update more regularly from now on.

Daryl’s hunting trip had taken longer than it should. He couldn’t focus on the sounds around him, couldn’t think of anything but that way his body had violated her. The way he had gleaned some gross pleasure on a foul base level at what had happened. She had been so light, so pure, so innocent. Now she was just another victim of this disgusting world. A victim of men, man, him.

 

Below all the guilt, a hot undercurrent of anger boiled. Rage, like lava, flowed through him at what they had done, what they had made him do. He could still feel her under his fingers, so soft, so pale. She had never been touched like that, never had someone inside her. He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing himself to forget the feeling of her warm mouth, her warm body. His head snapped up at the sounds of branches rustling, disturbing his inner torment. Finally, something alive, something to hunt, something to distract. Several arrows and noises later, he was armed with a few squirrels, enough for now. Their deaths were quick, fleeting, painless. It wasn’t enough. Where were all the fucking walkers in the world when he needed them? He needed to pummel, to rage, scream, to hit and hurt and kill something. There was only the quiet of the woods. He tilted his head back to the sky, breathing deeply, he would get her somewhere safe, get her to people, a group, someone to help with Asskicker, other women, other women who couldn’t violate her like him. After that, after they were safe, those girls who were everything, then he could go, it wouldn’t matter what happened to him after that.

 

When the van came back into sight his steps slowed, what could he say to her? What could he do? He fingered the limp bodies at his belt, at least she wouldn’t be hungry, at least he could do that for her. The light was fading slightly now, they would need a fire to cook the meat and it couldn’t wait, a fire in the dark was too bright, a flashing beacon for predators dead and alive. Hand on the door, he pulled it open, taking in the scene inside. She was huddled in the corner, baby in her arms, blue eyes flicking up to meet his. What he saw there shocked him, not fear, not disgust, anger or hate, only bright, clear relief. They held that gaze for a moment, he knew his face was blank, but his own eyes couldn’t help but reflect that same emotion. She was here, she was safe, she hadn’t run from him. Dropping the squirrels onto the floor of the van with a faint thud, he cleared his throat, “gonna cook the meat”.

 

He moved away from the door and Beth could hear the cracking and rustling of breaking wood as Daryl dug and built a concealed fire in the Earth. She closed her eyes and leaned down to breath in Judith’s faint smell of formula before gently laying her down on the mattress, tucking her blanket around her until the little girl was cocooned in her peaceful sleep. She moved to the product of Daryl’s hunt and, wiping her nose on the back of her hand, came to sit in the open doorway where she began skinning the kill, just like he’d shown her so long ago.

 

Daryl glanced up when he heard her move, eyes flicking up from beneath greasy stands from where he crouched beneath the small fire. Standing, he moved slowly to her side and picked up another of the squirrels, leaning beside her, a noticeably large gap between them.

 

Their knives moved swiftly in practised rhythm, glinting in the shadows and the task was quickly completed. As Daryl stood to move away, Beth’s small hand grasped his forearm. He froze, not looking back at her, only at the prepared meat in his hands. “It’s not your fault Daryl,” her small words rocked through him as his eyes squeezed shut, fighting all the emotion, all the thoughts, all the hopeless guilt raging inside his chest. She didn’t let go, only slid lightly from the van and moved in front of him. Her free hand moved to his and took the squirrels from his grasp, placing them in the van behind him. Still his eyes stayed closed. A gentle hand moved to his shoulder, his cheek, his chin, pulling it up. “Daryl please, it’s not your fault, please don’t go away,” when he remained the same, eyes closed, silent, her hand on his arm squeezed once and fell limp leaving him empty, cold.

 

A sob then, quiet but harsh forced his eyes open. There, in front of him she stood, head down, shoulders heaving, arms limp at her sides, rough sobs racking through her small frame. What could he do? Frowning, he sighed, lifting one arm tentatively up to rest on her elbow, the safe place he had touched her all those weeks ago. At his simple gesture, she reacted, moving straight into his chest, fingers clutching at cloth and leather as her snuffling face buried itself there. She continued to shake, he could feel her, quivering and small as she clung to him and he did all he could do and reached his arms, the arms that couldn’t protect her, around that tiny body, bringing her into him, needing the comfort as much as she seemed to.

 

When she felt his arms around her, the sobs came harder, she couldn’t keep it in, everything, relief and fear and anger and pain and everything. His strong arms, holding her together, all the broken pieces, bringing them together, to him, these arms that tried tirelessly to keep her safe. She knew he would be angry, knew he would hate those men for making him weak, hate her for being weak, hate himself for so much more. As she cried, she felt his head come down to the crook of her neck, felt his warm breath there as he squeezed her tighter and burrowed into her hair as his own tears joined hers.

 

The meat lay forgotten as they stood there in the quiet evening, Judith peaceful and warm in van, everything they felt pouring out of their tired bodies even as no words were spoken. They stood there even when the sobs stopped, when the shaking ended, they stayed there holding each other in the gathering night.


	13. Chapter 13

After that night, that long painful night, after the meat was cooked and bellies were full, after the noise perimeter had been set, after sleep had been sought in the dark van. After those hours spent so close and so far, after the hug, the sobbing and shared ache of injustice and violation, a rift that had been crossed so long ago, widened between them, larger and more insurmountable than ever before.  There were little words now, only grunts and nods and gestures. They moved North. Days passed without even these meagre forms of communication and if it wasn’t for Judith, Beth thought she would forget how to speak. As it was, if the archer refused to talk to her, caught up in his own distant hell where she had neither the strength nor the will to reach him, she would chat away to the baby girl, babble into the silence that seemed to grow heavier with each passing day. She worried about him endlessly, this man, this rock, this anchor to her past and future, had reverted into a forgotten version of himself. Everything they had shared, all those experiences, all those bridges burnt, it was as if it had never happened. He never touched her after that evening, after that long drawn out grasping onto one another in the dusky light of the forest, never even brushed her arm in passing. There were no more lingering looks, no more jokes and kindnesses; sometimes it was as if she wasn’t even there. He still took his shifts Judith, still held the baby girl and Beth could see the tenderness in his eyes when she would laugh and play with his greasy hair, but it was masked. There was no light baby talk, no utterances of care or pet names. It was as though he were behind a wall, behind a wall where he could no longer reach them, where she could only imagine what was going on behind that guarded expression he constantly wore.

 

It was a week before Beth had had enough, this was madness. Her emotions wavered between boiling anger and she would walk behind him, eyes staring daggers at his stupid fucking selfish ignorant head filled with unfathomable thoughts as it bobbed through the trees. It was unbearable, the rage she felt drudging along behind him, seething through her as she hated every shitty little thing about him. It took everything in her to not throw a rock square in the middle of those ridiculous fucking wings and scream him down to her level when he turned, demand a rise out of him as she had before. Then it would pass and the overwhelming sadness would arrive. Sweeping through her, it would rack her body and mind with a weakness that seeped through everything she was and threatened to pull her down, down under the black waters she had tasted before. Beth knew if she went under again, went under out here, there would be no coming back. It was always Judith that kept her going, kept her from losing her head to anger or despair, kept a smile kindled somewhere in her shattered thoughts. But still, under all of this, under everything, she worried, he wasn’t sleeping, barely eating, was bottling everything up in a way that was unhealthy, just as she was doing. There had to be enough at some point, and after a week, she decided it was over.

 

Stopping at a river, they were refilling bottles, taking a breather, taking a moment, all in silence. Staring at him, crouched there by the water, Beth walked right up to him. He didn’t flinch, not until she cleared her throat, mere inches from his body, then he looked up, blue eyes dead behind falling hair. Any anger and resentment faded away at his gaze and Beth felt her shoulders sag slightly in defeat before crouching beside him and handing Judith over. He accepted her willingly and set about making a bottle for the girl, leaning against the rocks. It was then that Beth began to remove her clothes. Quickly she pulled them off and waded into the river in only the same stained grey underwear she had been wearing that day in the shop. She didn’t look back, the water was cold, refreshing, breathing new life into aching limbs and tired soul. She moved further in and removed her underwear, scrubbing out the dried mark in her knickers that had once been red. Her hair fanned out in the rippling water and just for moment, she let herself relax in the feeling of clean. Underwear in place, she moved back to the shore, back to Daryl and the feeding baby who was now chewing at some dried meat. Daryl was frozen, and as she approached them she saw his eyes locked on hers, locked and open and there, there was a chink in the wall, a chink his dead façade. There was so much guilt there, as he battled to keep his eyes on hers, to not let them stray to her glistening body. She returned his gaze, saw the battle, saw the guilt, saw the pain, saw the self-disgust and she knew she had to talk to him. This wasn’t like after the prison, she didn’t want to scream at him now, she didn’t have the strength for another storm. Breaking the eye contact and pulling her clothes back on, Beth moved to sit next to him, leaning in, arm to arm, leg to leg, casual touching that had been so normal before that day. She couldn’t do this any more, couldn’t let him keep this up. Her head tipped slowly down and rested on his shoulder, it was stiff and unyielding beneath her as he continued to look down towards the water. Slowly, as Judith drifted off against his chest, her quiet breaths filling the silence, Beth moved her hand up to twine with his. His breath released, shoulders dropped slightly as his chest moved up and down in a gentle rhythm. He didn’t move his warm hand from hers but didn’t curl his fingers, as he would have done once, either.

 

They stayed like this for what felt like hours, enjoying the gentle sounds of the river bubbling below, the warm sun slowly drying Beth’s golden curls into wisps around her face. Eventually, as the afternoon light grew long, she spoke, there was no pre amble, no warning, it was a conversation that had happened in her head so many times. The words were quiet, soft, unassuming, a question he could have ignored if he chose, she knew enough about him, she knew he probably wouldn’t answer. That wasn’t the point, the point was that she needed him to know, needed him to know that she was thinking it. “How should it have been?”

 

He breathed deeply when she asked that question, knew it was his own fault, it was a conversation he had started, back there on that day in the dusty shop. What could he say?  That he had thought about it? That he had considered the possibility of them together? That it should have been safe, warm, comfortable, that they should have been able to enjoy each other, that he would have loved her, loved her not how she deserved but with everything he had, all the broken pieces he was. He could lie; he could say he meant only her first time, not her first time with him. He was disgusted with him self constantly now, not just for what happened but for ever considering it could happen in the first place, for allowing himself that indulgence. She was so beautiful, inside and out and she had become to him a reason to live, a way to enjoy the world as he never had. He had loved her, he knew it then, in those peaceful days where they had started to become something more, now he couldn’t think that word, couldn’t allow himself that. It was too dangerous, it was too futile. She wasn’t his to love, not before, especially not now. What could he say? “Not like that” he eventually grunted out.

 

Beth only nodded into his shoulder at that open response. He could have meant a lot by that statement but thankfully she asked nothing else, pushed no further. She knew him, she knew how hard even those words were for him and it only made him love her more. No, not love, she was not his to love, not then, not now, not ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing really happens but it's more about their emotions! Lots of stuff happens next chapter I promise.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Beth come across another group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long, I've really struggled with inspiration now 5b is under way.

After the river, after the few words they shared, the tension was slightly lessened. There were still no touches, but words were exchanged occasionally. Beth didn’t feel like she was torturing him with her mere presence and Daryl didn’t feel like tearing his eyes out every time he caught a glimpse of her exposed pale skin in the hot sun.

 

They came across people after another week. Not long enough for them to have healed completely; if they had been friends once, on the brink of something more, they were acquaintances now. They had moved to a camping ground much further North, a place where the tents loomed out of the overgrown earth like gravestones, jutting and unnatural in faded orange, pink, blue. There were a few caravans, a few supplies, a few days rest. It was here, in a slightly mouldy tin can of an RV that they had made a temporary home. Judith was busy playing on the floor, Beth was reading a cheesy holiday book on the bed and Daryl was cleaning his bow on the sofa. All was quiet, peaceful, as good as it got. There were no engines this time, no warning rumblings in the distance, only a shout. That voice, it was female, snapped both heads up, gazes holding in shock and terror for a moment before Judith was in Beth’s arms and Daryl was at the closed door, bow ready, muscles taut.

 

There were muffled words then, outside among the tents, and laughter. Daryl’s trained ears followed their movements, followed them as they searched the space fruitlessly. Everything there was to find was in here with them, little as it was. When there was a knock on their door to check for walkers, Beth’s breath hitched. What could they do? The door was locked but that meant nothing, there were windows and the door was feeble, good only for a few walkers, not determined people. Locking eyes again, Beth nodded slightly at Daryl, they had to make their presence known, those outside didn’t know who was in here, didn’t know what weapons they had, maybe they could intimidate them enough to make them leave. It was a risk but what wasn’t? They had no choice that wasn’t a risk. When the handle was pulled from outside, Daryl spoke up, loudly and firmly, calm but stern, “this place is occupied, we don’t want any trouble, just leave us be”.

 

The words were so familiar from the last time Daryl had addressed strangers, it made her shudder. They didn’t know these people, didn’t know their intentions, it could be so much worse than last time. There was at least one woman though, that much she was sure of, that tiny fact had to mean something, had to mean these men weren’t as bad as the last, or they were a whole lot worse. She didn’t let herself think on that, she couldn’t.

 

There was silence outside the caravan and inside. Suddenly these thin walls felt like they were less protection than their usual cans on string. The tension built as she eased her knife out of its leather snug, Judith strapped in across her chest, quiet for now.

 

It seemed like forever before a voice outside answered, the spokesperson, whoever he was, sounded loud and clear, he was just outside the door, mere inches from Daryl’s pounding chest and poised bow. “We don’t want any trouble either, we were just looking for supplies. How many of you are there?” The stranger’s voice was calm, deep, reassuring, Daryl could feel Beth’s eyes on his back like a weight. The responsibility was so much, the baby and the girl who carried her, everything rested on his next words, he knew not to tell them she was here, a woman was a target and he would not let her be harmed again, not by anyone, especially by him. Breathing deeply, he replied to the disembodied voice through the door, “that ain’t your concern, just move on from here.”

 

There were whispers outside, they were discussing what to do next. Just leave just leave just leave. These words pounded through Beth’s mind as she held Judith against her a little tighter, gripped her knife a little firmer.  The baby girl was like a furnace against her chest, all those nights where her warm little body was a comfort next to her were juxtaposed by this searing heat. Beth could feel her heart pounding, body temperature rising in her fear and panic. Judith squirmed; she was getting uncomfortably hot too.

 

A woman’s voice then, ringing through the tension, it had been so long she’d heard another, just men, so many men, “we don’t want to hurt you, if you need help, we have a place, it’s been safe for a while, we have others, women, some children. We can help you.” Of course, inevitably, now was the time that Judith spoke up. She was so hot, so uncomfortable, Beth knew as soon as she heard the first sniffle and whine that this was going to turn into a rage from the tiny girl. There was nothing to do, nothing to stop it, her quiet hushing and rocking did nothing and soon her cries were filling the silent tension in the caravan.

 

The woman outside gasped, Daryl could hear murmuring and then the female  voice was addressing them again. “You have a baby? Please let us help you, I haven’t seen a baby in so long.” Her voice sounded desperate, breathy, like she couldn’t believe what she was saying. Beth knew that tone, the tone of a mother, a mother with no child. Shushing Judith, Beth looked up at Daryl, they had to trust at some point, there were still good people, she still believed that, despite everything. Nodding slightly, she made the decision for them and spoke up, earning a glare from Daryl. “Back away from the door, we’re coming out. Please, just keep your weapons down.” Daryl’s stare was piercing, with no words, fear and anger rolled off him. She knew he thought the worst, she knew he was just trying to protect her, but she also knew they couldn’t carry on alone, couldn’t survive like this forever, they needed people, needed to trust. “It’s ok Daryl, it’ll be ok,” she whispered to him quietly, one hand gently finding a place on his arm.

 

“Our weapons are down” the male voice spoke from further away “you can come out, we won’t hurt you.” Slowly, Beth eased her way around Daryl and unlocked the door. The quiet click seemed to shift something in him and he moved his hand over hers, he would go first. Bow raised, he eased the thin door open with his foot, squinting into the sunlight.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Beth meet the strangers

Following his wings into the bright outside, Beth took in the group standing among the abandoned tents. Daryl’s taught arms held the bow aloft, aiming at the man in the centre, standing slightly forward, hands raised. He was younger than Daryl, older than Beth; clean-shaven, cleaner than anyone they’d seen in a long time. His people were spaced around him, warily eyeing the pair. 

Beth’s eyes immediately darted to the woman, one arm around the fussing baby, the other gripping her knife their eyes locked. She was dark haired, wide-eyed, pale skinned, probably in her late thirties, around Daryl’s age. Her hand was over her mouth as her eyes drifted down to Judith at Beth’s chest. “Oh my god” she whispered, looking at the placated child like she was the last baby on the earth. It crossed Beth’s mind then that maybe she could be. There was silence as everybody stilled. Besides the man and woman, there were two other men, both around forty, just as clean looking as the others. They had to be well set up. Glancing at Daryl, she realised how rough they must look in comparison.

“Hi” the man eventually broke the silence, lifting his hands up in the face of Daryl’s bow. When he didn’t respond, Beth spoke for him “hi”. She was impressed with the steadiness of her voice, while her stomach rolled with fear. This was a make it or break it situation. Taking a deep breath, she looked at the man who was addressing her again “my name is Mark, this is Jane, Ben, Lewis. We have a camp, there are more of us, we take people in, if you want to come with us?” Beth glanced up at Daryl, he was unmoved, eyes narrowed, bow still pointed at the man. She spoke up again, “where is your place? What’s it like?” “It’s a half hour drive, we have vehicles. It’s a housing estate, it has walls that we fortified, gates. We have food, supplies, weapons, people. We always need more people, more good people. Are you good people?” Beth didn’t respond to this, instead, Daryl spoke up, gruff and quiet “how many walkers you killed?” The man’s eyed flicked to the archer, his hands still raised. “The dead ones? I don’t know, a lot. I haven’t kept count. We’ve all killed a lot, who hasn’t these days?” Daryl didn’t respond, only asked in the same tone “how many people you killed?” This brought a quiet to the group as they exchanged glances before the man spoke up “I personally have killed two men, our group as a whole have killed a few more.” “Why?” Came the drawled response. “The men attacked my wife,” he spoke quietly, closing his eyes as the words fluttered out. “They hurt her, I killed them, she died any way. Another group attacked us, they wanted what we had, they were bad men, they took out a couple of us, we took out more of them, we kept our homes and our people safe.” Beth nodded, it all made sense, it could have been any of their own group talking, it sounded like the governor and the prison. His wife, she could see the pain there, she believed him. “Daryl” she spoke quietly from beside him “Daryl, lower your bow, we should go with them. I think we should go, Judith needs food, a proper bed, we need rest. Please, let’s go with them.” He looked down at her then, at Judith, Beth’s big blue eyes pleading as they glittered in the sun. Judith’s tiny fingers wrapped around the fabric of her make shift sling. Beth’s cheeks were hollow, there were shadows under her eyes, her hair was grubby, her clothes torn. She was right, they needed help. 

It took another minute, another tense silent minute and her small hand on his arm before he lowered the bow, his arms still taught around the warm metal. Saying nothing, he only grunted at the man, giving a slight not and a gesture with the bow for them to lower their hands. 

Beth let out a breath and removed her hand from his sweaty arm. Repositioning Judith slightly, she allowed a smile, her eyes locking with the woman again who now spoke, returning the smile, “great, that’s really great, you guys look strong. Come on, our cars are just a 10 minute walk away.” When Beth nodded she eyed Daryl nervously before turning her back to them and walking towards the trees. The men followed suit before Beth shouted them back “wait, let me just get our supplies,” she ran back into their temporary home and hastily packed up their meagre possessions and food. This was good, she knew it could be good, had to believe this was good. Daryl was still when she came back outside, crossbow down but still readied, eyes still boring into the strangers. She touched his arm again and his head turned to her, she could see the tension there, the fear and she smiled at him, smiled like she knew for sure this was good. He nodded and followed her, following them into the trees, weapon always ready.

They had two cars and in the drive to their place he didn’t speak, only watched and listened. Listened as Beth spoke lightly with the strangers, sharing sparse details of their story. Listened as they immediately warmed to the sunshine girl and in turn gave her details of their camp. He learned they had been there around 6 months, they had managed to grow crops, they had a good supply of food, water from a clean river running through and around 20 people. There weren’t enough fighters, too many old people, too many children, the ratio wasn’t right and they needed help. Daryl and Beth were strong, they could see that and they said they needed them. Their cars were full of supplies and they were squashed together in the back among tins and clothes. This could be good, this could be good, this could be good. Those words rattling around his brain as he forced himself to believe it, bow still ready, always ready in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So these are entirely made up characters! Also I'm getting SUPER lazy with my editing and proofing so apologies if this is a bit rubbish.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth, Judith and Daryl arrive at the new group's camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow sorry it's been so long, really sorry. I've been writing another Bethyl ish one and really struggled to get back into this one. I came back on here today and saw some lovely comments that made me force myself to sit down and look at my notes and write! So here's a longer chapter and I have the next few sketched out as well. Thank you so much for your comments, they are literally the reason I write more when I'm feeling lazy or uninspired! Also, again with the lazy proofing, I have written this, glanced through it and posted. I really hate proofing. Sorry again. 
> 
> Oh and I'm english, hence the mum. Would it be mom? Mommy? I dunno, I can't remember hearing her say it.

The camp came into view after almost an hour, enough time for their new friends to have relaxed completely around them, Beth’s sweet words and hopeful charm easing the car into a sense of camaraderie. That made them weak, he couldn’t help but realise. He and Beth were behind them; they were completely exposed in the front seat. They still had their weapons, had barely been asked any questions. Were they stupid? How had they survived for this long without being more cautious around strangers? Daryl glanced over at Beth, Judith was snuggled against her, he could see strands of Beth’s blonde hair moving lightly with every one of the baby’s breaths. The camp was actually an enormous house with large grounds and a wall. The gates had been reinforced, the walls fortified. As they approached, a head popped up to one side and signalled to the car in front. The large gates rolled open over the gravel and the cars crunched their way through at a crawl. He stiffened at the sound of them clanging shut behind them as the vehicles made their way up a long drive to a house. The smiling face of the woman, he had already forgotten her name, glanced back at them nodding encouragingly. “We found this place and it was just perfect, it’s taken some work to make it secure but we have a great set up now. You guys will fit right in.” Beth beamed back at her before turning her gaze to Daryl. His eyes were narrowed and he looked to be barely listening to their host, instead, staring outside, taking in every detail of their journey. He didn’t believe it could be good, she could see that with every part of him, taught muscles, white knuckles gripping his bow, everything tight, everything mistrusting. She knew this must be painful, knew he would never be here if it wasn’t for her, knew he was trying, trying to believe. There were still good people. She had to keep believing that, had to keep him believing it. Gently, she reached over and lightly squeezed his warm fore arm bringing his eyes to hers with a snap. She nodded at him before following the others out of the car, into the unknown of the new camp. This was a leap, but one she felt they had to make. 

The house was beautiful, enormous and grand and breath taking. Downstairs windows were boarded, the porch reinforced. Across the overgrown lawn Beth squinted against the sun and saw another much smaller house on the grounds and a cottage, a barn, some out buildings. This was a large estate. There were people milling around the smaller buildings, the sound of laughter tinkling out from an upstairs window of the main house, water whispering somewhere behind it, chickens pecking around in a large pen towards the cottage, and there on the wind, someone singing. Beth squeezed Judith against her lightly and breathed in deeply, if she closed her eyes, she could be home. She could almost hear the horses whinnying in their stable, her daddy calling her in to dinner, Maggie singing tunelessly in the kitchen, her mum clattering around as she laid the dining table. “So this is our humble abode,” Mark was gesturing to the house as more people, rushing up to meet them from the house, greeted the others. Daryl saw what they meant about needing strength, he had seen maybe five fighters who were manning the gate, the walls. Here at the house he could see too many children, too many older people, too many injured. As they came to greet their friends, Daryl noted their weaknesses, counted their numbers, saw how they walked around unarmed. How had they lasted this long? Beth only saw families, friendship, love. She saw hope in the children, knowledge in the elderly, strength in the injured. 

Once the crowd had settled down somewhat, eyes began to travel over the new people. Obviously this wasn’t the first time strangers had been brought in and Daryl saw eyes appraising them with not enough caution, eyes wondered over Beth, taking in the baby, taking in her slight frame, smiling, welcoming. When they looked at him, it was a little less easy but still open, still light. He found himself wondering how it would have been if he’d been alone, if the blow of his rough image and temperament would be welcomed without the sunshine girl there to soften it. To soften him. 

They were introduced then, greeted by everyone, Beth chattering away, Judith smiling and gurgling at the captive new audience, so thrilled to see a baby. Daryl stood slightly behind her, grunting once when someone made direct eye contact. Beth made all the introductions, there was no need for him to speak, no need for him to do anything other than stand there with his bow, down now but still ready. 

They were given a tour, shown the river, where women washed clothes and waved at the newcomers. Shown the chickens, the well, the outbuildings, the cottage and the other house where the inhabitants were working hard jarring fruit in the kitchen. Everyone they encountered gushed over Judith, smiled at Beth, nodded at Daryl. Mark explained that two families lived in each of the smaller buildings while the rest of the group lived in the main house. They walked the perimeter; saw the wall, there was a second smaller gate to the rear. When they reached the main house, they were shown the downstairs, a large kitchen, cellar full of food, living room full of books. When they reached the grand staircase, Beth let one hand slide along the smooth wood of the bannister and glanced up. It was an amazing house, an amazing set up, the people seemed so friendly. “We have a room spare, we can sort out another as well or..” Mark finished lamely, glancing at Daryl and Beth, obviously at a loose end. For the first time since they had reached the camp, Daryl spoke up first. “We stay together,” he grunted out, eyes narrowed at Mark who only raised his eyebrows and nodded, looking at Beth who in turn nodded and agreed, “we stay together.” 

Their room was at the back of the house, small but cosy. A crocheted blanket was draped over the double bed against the wall, lace curtains at the window partially obscured a view of the river where the women were now walking away, baskets full of wet washing. A small bathroom led off one side where a bucket of water meant the toilet could flush if filled manually. Beth eased a now sleeping Judith down onto the edge of the bed next to the wall and sat down in front of her, feet over the foot of the bed. It was squashy and soft, the air smelt of furniture polish and she breathed in deeply, eyes closed. There was click and a clunk as Daryl locked and bolted the door; his light footsteps moving around the room to check the walls and window, the view now empty of people. Satisfied, he finally put down his bow, leaning it on a chair and slipping off his rucksack before sliding down onto the floor, back against the bed, shoulder barely grazing Beth’s leg as she sat quietly. He let his eyes close and head flop back onto the crochet, it felt warm and comforting against the back of his neck. His shoulders burned, he was so tired. She spoke then, so quietly, it was almost a whisper, like she didn’t want to be asking the question that needed to be asked. “What do you think?” It hung there, unobtrusive against Judith’s small snores behind them. Daryl could feel her leg against his shoulder like it was burning and moved himself up, the shift moving the air, shaking the stillness. “I dunno,” he grunted out. Standing, he moved back to the window. “They have a good set up but they’re weak. They need us.” He glanced back at her, her wide eyes big and open looking up at him from the bed; Judith curled up so small on the blanket. “Guess we might need them too.” He sounded bitter at this and Beth couldn’t help but wince as he looked back to the window. He hated needing people, wouldn’t need people if it weren’t for them. Never relied on anyone. “We can just give it a couple of days, rest, get strong again. Suss it all out?” She wanted to stay, wanted this to be good, wanted to trust these people but if Daryl gave the word, she knew she would follow him out of there without a backwards glance. He didn’t turn, only shrugged his shoulders and grunted his acquiescence. They would stay, for tonight at least. 

Daryl watched as the light seeped from the sky, pink and orange over the grass, an old man fed the chickens, a woman ushered two children into the cottage, another walked the wall, two men talked at the back gate. He turned to look at Beth; she was lying down now, the golden light glittering on her hair, caressing her cheek. She was curled around Judith on the bed, it looked soft, squashy, comfy, warm, inviting. He moved to the floor, slid down against the crochet in his previous position at the foot of the bed. Let them sleep, he would watch the door. 

It was completely dark when Beth woke; Judith’s heart beat against her chest a comfort. It took a moment, a quiet moment of panic before the smell of polish and the feel of the warm blanket against her fingers reminded her of where she was. Daryl’s deep breaths sounded somewhere in the dark and she allowed her eyes to adjust as they flitted around the room. Drifting to the window, the curtains where open and she could see the stars, twinkling there in the black, those tiny dots of hope, of light, unchanged by everything. Slowly, the shapes in the room turned to the furniture, the door and there, Daryl’s head leaning back against the bed like before near her feet. She slid quietly away from the sleeping baby and gently eased herself down onto the cold floor next to him, shoulder to shoulder. His change in breathing let her know he was awake, probably had been since she first moved in the bed, he was such a light sleeper, always ready. He was warm next to her and she tipped her head lightly over to his shoulder, felt the leather, cool against her cheek. “I know we put it all away, I know we had to but I still hoped, a little bit of me still hoped they might be here, that we would get here and everyone would be safe and happy. I know it’s stupid, but I couldn’t help it.” She moved her cheek slightly, rubbing it against the leather and breathing in the sweat, earth, smoke, home. He didn’t say anything for a while, she could feel the rise and fall of his chest, his heart beat a reassuring thud, his head still tipped back. When the words came, they were with the same softness of weeks ago, of night time talks by moonshine and candlelight, not the recent gruffness that they had become of late. “S’not stupid. I thought it too, I wanted them to be here too. S’not stupid.” They stayed a moment there like that, in the darkness, reassured by each other’s words before Beth quietly stood and he found he missed the light weight of her head, the feel of her soft hair against his neck. He opened his eyes then, to the dark room, practised eyes adjusting quickly. She stood in front of him, stars reflected in her eyes, hand extended out to him. Without thinking, his own reached up and took it and her small hand in his felt like coming home as he stood at her slight tug and turned with her to the bed. She climbed up, pulling him with her as she resumed her position curled around Judith, him behind her. The bed was just as squashy as he thought it would be and with her beside him, connected only by their twined hands, it seemed to pull him in sucking him down to an inescapable and much needed, if only temporary, oblivion.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning in the new community.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah, it's been a while. Sorry! I read stories on this site practically every day but i'm never logged on my phone so I never see any comments or anything so on the rare occasion that I come on here on my computer it's always a shock to see comments, i kind of forget that people might really be reading, it seriously surprises me every time someone says something nice and then I'm like, oh bugger I should probably write a bit more! Sorry about that! Here's another chapter anyway.

Beth didn’t know what woke her first, the impudent sun poking its fingers at her again, or Judith fussing next to her. Smiling, she opened her eyes to the pretty girl’s face just an inch from her own, her tiny hand was full of blonde curls and she was grinning between babbled words. “Good morning beautiful” Beth whispered to her, reaching up and gently freeing herself from the little one’s grasp. A stirring on the bed reminded her of last night and how she had practically dragged Daryl onto the squashy comfort next to her. Peeking over her shoulder, all that was visible of the sleeping hunter was the leather vest, grubby, familiar wings moving slightly with his deep breaths. Judging from the sun, it was still early and the sky through the net curtain looked fresh and blue, that morning crisp in the air. It felt strange to wake up inside, to not feel the dew on her face. Judith certainly seemed happy about their current abode and with a sigh, Beth sat up, bringing the baby with her and set about changing and washing her with the water their hosts had provided. She glanced at Daryl again before moving off the bed and tried to remember the last time she had been awake before him. She couldn’t. He must really have needed to sleep. The question of when their hands had separated briefly flit through her mind but she quickly shook it away, focusing on the task at hand before Judith’s mood changed.

 

Daryl’s dreams were full of leering men, goading, laughing, shouting, of a knife resting on Judith’s tiny belly. Panic rising in his chest as he looked for a way out, and then Beth’s words were whispering in his ear, her breath moving against his skin, soft and comforting but burning, agony with what they meant, what was happening. Her hair fell on his face and her cheek was damp with tears against his “please Daryl.”

 

He woke with a start, fingers clutching at the crochet blanket beneath him, sun bright in his eyes. It took a moment to remember, a moment before Beth’s quiet voice drifted from the bathroom, too quiet to hear the words, only a melody, soft and soothing. She must be singing to Judith. He breathed in deeply, watching the a small cloud drift across the sky before heaving himself up, his feet falling against the carpet with a dull thud. She appeared in the doorway then, Judith on her hip and a smile on her face. “Good morning sunshine.” He only grunted in response, standing and side stepping her into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Beth sighed, he was obviously back to the distant Daryl of the last few weeks, the Daryl who looked at her through tortured eyes when he looked at her at all.

 

Glancing once more at the closed bathroom door, she unbolted the bedroom and made her way out into the hallway. It was quiet and she guessed they weren’t early risers here. Making her way down the stairs, she let her hand glide along the wood again, relishing in smooth varnish. “A bit prettier than the prison huh?” She softly asked Judith, kissing her fore head and moving along into the kitchen where sounds of cooking filtered into the hall. Inside, two older women were busy over large steaming pots of food while chatting away. They looked up at her entrance with a smile. “Good morning!” One greeted her very enthusiastically, “are you hungry? We’re just putting breakfast together for the group but there’s fresh fruit and bread if you want something now? What about the little one? Goodness she’s so lovely, I never thought I’d see another baby, I’m sorry I’m rambling! Please, sit down.” The woman appeared flustered at her hurried words and brushed stray grey hairs away from her face with a smile before gesturing to the chairs around a large wooden kitchen table. Beth smiled in response “it’s ok, thank you, that sounds great.” She moved to the chair the woman had motioned to and sat down, settling Judith on her lap. The woman sat opposite her and proceeded to cut up an apple as she continued to talk, slightly less flustered now. “My daughter used to love apple slices when she was tiny” she handed one to Judith who took it hungrily and began chewing her way through the fruit. The woman smiled and turned her gaze to Beth, who was now nibbling on some apple of her own. “How did it come to be just the three of you? I hope you don’t mind me asking, you make an odd little family is all.” She looked back to Judith at this with a sad smile and handed her a second piece of food. It took Beth a moment to think, she wanted to believe these were good people, she really did, and there had been nothing to contradict that so far, they had been nothing but kind, nothing but welcoming. Still, something made her think of the men who had hurt them, who had threatened Judith, she thought of the words she had whispered in that store as she stood there, exposed and calm, she had told the men that the baby wasn’t theirs, not really. The words had rattled around inside her since she’d spoken them, she’s not ours, she’s not ours, she’s not ours. Not anymore, this little girl, warm and heavy in her arms was Beth’s. There was no knowing what had happened to Rick and Carl, no knowing if she had any real family left. If Daryl and her had put it all away, Judith would too, there was no need to dredge it up with the strangers, as nice and welcoming as they seemed. She squeezed the little girl tighter, eyes focusing on the questioning woman as she answered “I know we might look a little odd, but this is our family, and we don’t feel odd, do we Judith? We were with another group for a long time, but things happened and now it’s just us, but that’s ok, because we have our little family.” The woman smiled at her words, reaching over to squeeze her arm. “Thank goodness you have each other, thank goodness you were able to keep your little girl safe. Now, how are you at canning? Because we have an awful lot to get through today!”

 

Daryl heard Beth leave the room and let his shoulders drop as he gripped the sink, starring at himself in the mirror. His hair was greasy and too long, his beard was greying and scruffy, his eyes were narrowed and hostile, clothes filthy, he probably stank. He was a fucking state, what the hell would these people think about him sharing a room with her, either he was her father or a nasty old pervert. His eyes burned, it was good they were here, good that they could have a break. He couldn’t take her wounded glances, her trusting eyes for much longer, his twisted dreams of pleasure and pain. He shook himself, he should never have let her drag him into the bed last night. It may have been the warmest and comfiest he’d been for longer than he cared to remember, but he couldn’t go there. With a huff he readied himself for the day and made his way out into the hallway to find Beth, his crossbow back at home on his back. He wished she hadn’t left, they didn’t know this group yet, shouldn’t be taking the risk of separating. Anger flared for a minute, she was too trusting, and chances were these weren’t good people.

 

There was noises behind some of the doors, soft voices and sloshing water, the house waking up. Tired thoughts found him back at the prison, the morning routine of the residents coming to life. Residents that were most likely all dead. He shook his head, they put it all away. Downstairs, he quickly located Beth’s soft voice, chatting in the kitchen just around the corner, and a laugh, a tiny tinkling sound. Shit, Judith was laughing. It had been a while. Beth laughed in response and it cut to his heart. When was the last time? He thought back to the weight of her in his arms, a smile of his face, a crappy breakfast on the table, her giggle as he swept her into the room. Those hazy days when he had let himself pretend, just for a moment, to let his guard down, to need her, to want her. It had been too long since those girls had laughed, he couldn’t even bring himself to smile.

 

Leaning against the wall, Daryl allowed himself to just listen for a moment, to hear her chatting to other women, clattering about in the kitchen, doing normal domestic things, Judith obviously a hit. They were talking about canning, Beth was gently rebuffing questions about how she knew so much about it, turning the conversation to other things. Daryl frowned slightly, it must be something she’d learnt at the farm and didn’t want to talk about her past, he couldn’t decide if that was a good thing. He shifted slightly, the smell in the kitchen was good, and he was hungry. He was about to make his appearance when he heard his name, making him pause before rounding the corner. The old woman was asking Beth about them, Daryl found himself frowning more at her intrusion, what was it to her? Especially since she had misread the situation. They weren’t a couple. But another part of him, a guilty hidden part of him wanted to hear what her response would be to the older woman’s questions. “So how long have you been together? Daryl seems like an unusual match.” Her voice wasn’t rude, it didn’t sound like she was judging but he couldn’t help but bristle, especially with the silence following her question. When Beth finally did answer, her words were measured, careful, she was clearly holding back from these people, he wondered why she was misleading them. “He was with a larger group that I ended up with, we were friends for a long time, and then when we were separated from everyone, things changed between us. It feels weird to me that it seems unusual to you, we’ve been alone for such a long time. Daryl’s a good man, he has a good heart, he makes me laugh, he’s amazing with Judith and he’s strong, he makes me strong. It doesn’t feel unusual to me at all.” Her words were spoken with a laugh, she wasn’t angry with the woman for asking, he could tell. His mind was reeling at her words as a red burn crept up his neck. Did she really think those things about him? Shit, this was getting ridiculous, why was she lying like this? He squinted his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose.

 

He was planning on moving away outside or somewhere, anywhere but here, when a warm voice spoke loudly just behind him, “Morning Daryl! How did you sleep?” He turned to take in Mark, freshly shaved and smiling at the gruff archer. Daryl glared ad him for a moment, before stalking into the kitchen where he knew Beth would have heard their host’s loud greeting. Mark’s smile faltered for a moment, as confused, he followed him into the sunny room where breakfast was being served on the large table.

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hello! I went totally off the grid for a while there, moved continents, lost all writing mojo and basically left the internet for a year. I'm so sorry to have ignored comments and abandoned this story that meant so much to me.
> 
> I'm in a much more stable position now living in Asia and have sort of got my flow back! I've written a load more notes for this story and the direction it was meant to go in is still the same but I can't promise when and how often I'll update it.
> 
> Thankyou so much for continuing to push me to update and for actually caring about my silly story.
> 
> As per usual, this is TOTALLY unedited ;) Sorry!

That day was a big change from their constant running. After an awkward breakfast, where Daryl barely looked at Beth and only grunted in response to any questions from the others that gradually joined them, they got to work. Mark was their guide again for the day and the trio allowed themselves to be lead over to the other house where steam billowed from an open window and chattering flitted out into the morning breeze. Inside, the space was far smaller than the main house but cosy, with clutter around the narrow hall. The kitchen was fairly open plan and a hive of activity where several women including the two from breakfast worked as a steady unit canning a great supply of vegetables. 

‘You’ve met the ladies, and here is our main station of work for winter! This week we need to get done as much as we can so that hands are free for the next harvest. We’ve been so lucky to get so much in and to have people who know about doing this manually.’ He winked at a middle aged woman in a pink blouse who tutted at him before returning to work.

‘If you want to help we would certainly be glad of the assistance’ Mark glanced at Beth who was already smiling at those she had met at breakfast.

Daryl grunted and shifted his crossbow slightly. ‘Dunno how long we’re staying yet’. Beth’s eyes flicked over to his with a frown before returning her gaze to Mark. ‘We stayed at least one night though, and we’d be happy to pay for the room and board, as well as your hospitality. I’m a great canner and could certainly use the distraction. But I’m not sure how much help Daryl and Judith will be!’ Judith wiggled in her arms and chewed on a pudgy hand. Daryl huffed.

With a chuckle, Mark nodded and patted Daryl’s shoulder, stopping abruptly at the look he received from him. ‘There are plenty of other jobs, how handy are you Daryl? A bunch of us are working on repairs to the barn today, we had a big storm a week back and now it’s in a bit of a state. We got supplies but just need to get to it. What do you say?’

Daryl glanced down at Beth who nodded at him with a smile. He responded with a frown before nodding slightly. 

‘Great!’ Mark continued, either outright ignoring or not noticing the surliness. ‘Let’s go for it then, the guys should be setting up right about now.’ 

Daryl didn’t move, but looked down at Beth once more, his hand tentatively reached out and stroked Judith’s downy hair before lightly gripping Beth’s elbow. She smiled and nodded at him. ‘I’ll be fine Daryl, Judith can stay with me. Go, be handy,’ she spoke with a smile in her voice and after one last look, he turned to follow Mark out of the door into the fresher air.

It was a long day of avoiding questions, of working hard in a way he hadn’t in a while. Lifting, hammering, working with other men. It felt like the prison, without the trust. When they stopped for a break and some water, he lit up a cigarette, crossbow at his feet and leaned against the semi repaired barn.

‘Can I bum one off you?’ Mark had followed him round the corner, outer shirt off, he was down to a faded grey t shirt. It was shaping up to be a warm day but Daryl had no intention of removing layers, that would feel too much like settling. 

He held out the crumpled pack to their new host in response and held a lighter up to the other man’s face. Mark pulled it in with a deep drag and closed eyes. ‘Man, can’t tell you how long it’s been since I had one of these.’ Daryl pulled in his own drag and released it up into the sky, the smoke twirling up into the slight breeze. He didn’t say anything.

‘So, you really don’t think you and yours will stay?’ He could feel Mark looking at him from his own spot against the barn and shrugged his shoulders. It was too soon to make any decisions, to know how to feel about these people. 

‘You’ve seen our set up, we’ve got it good here, food, water, shelter. We just don’t have man power, fighters. Things get bad sometimes and we need all the help we can get. Right now, if some one tried to take it all from us again, I don’t know that we’d be able to stop them.’ He turned from Daryl and joined him in watching the chickens across the way pecking along at invisible grain. 

When Daryl still didn’t respond, Mark continued. It was always like this, if you didn’t say anything, the other person would keep talking, fill the silence, not know what to do with the one sided conversation. He had learned lots of things he wouldn’t have done otherwise by simply standing still, listening. 

‘You and Beth are strong, I’ve seen it. To hold you own out there with a baby, for so long, that’s impressive. You ever come across bad types?’

A direct question. After another drag, Daryl nodded with a slight grunt. Watching now as a teenage boy walked over to the chickens, throwing corn to the clucking birds. 

‘Right, then you know how bad it can be. How bad people can be now. To find people that aren’t bad, that’s tough. So when you do, you gotta cling onto that, help each other.’

Daryl looked across at him sharply, flicking the cigarette down he ground it out with his boot. Enough was enough. 

‘Yeah? And what makes you so sure I’m good people? What the fuck do you even know about me and Beth? You see her pretty face and the fact that we got a baby so you don’t even stop to ask questions? We could be fucking anybody! No wonder people tried to take this place when y’all are so fucking stupid.’ He found himself walking around as he bit out the words to a startled Mark. Arms gesticulating he pointed around the tranquil setting before huffing out a snide laugh and rubbing his hand over his face. He hadn’t even washed this morning. Grease and dirt smeared over his already filthy hands, sweaty from the morning work. 

Mark stood with hands up in front of him, eyes wide. A couple of the other guys they had been building with had turned to watch the outburst from the new stranger who hadn’t said anything to them all day. 

‘You’re right’ Mark attempted to placate the now heavily breathing man still eyeing him dangerously. ‘You’re right, that’s why we need the help. We can do all the home stuff, it’s our fighters we need help with, our defence, going out there. Everything you said is true. I thought you were good people, I trusted my gut, people who look after children in this world are rare, I wanted to see the good. You are good people, right?’ It wasn’t even a question and the words struck something in Daryl, everything Beth had been trying to teach him, everything that made her good and light was reflected here. There were still good people, just like she said. Then why couldn’t he make himself believe it?

‘Pff, who the fuck even knows any more.’ Daryl turned, picked up his bow and stalked away over the grass, back to the house where the steam still streamed out into the warm day, smells and sounds of home and life inside a long with Judith’s babble.


End file.
